Up to Me Page 10

  “You two all right in there?” Gavin calls from the hall, pounding on the door again and interrupting Cash.

  “Just a minute,” Cash snaps gruffly. When he turns back to me, he sighs. He doesn’t continue. The moment is lost.

  My heart sinks. I would give anything to hear where that sentence was going.

  “We can discuss all this when you get back. I can tell you about how our plan went off without a hitch and how I ended the day kicking my arrogant brother’s ass, and you can tell me how you explained Gavin to your mother and how she passed out in the floor.”

  He grins.

  “Oh shit!”

  “What?”

  “What am I gonna tell her?”

  Cash shrugs. “You’ll have to think of something, because Gavin won’t be leaving that house. And you won’t be leaving his sight.”

  “I guess I could tell her we’re seeing each other.” As I chew my lip in thought, I see the muscle in Cash’s jaw tick. I frown. “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “No, not nothing. What?”

  “You’re creative. I’m sure you can think of something else to tell her.”

  “What difference does it make?”

  “If she thinks you two are together, she’ll expect to see some affection.”

  “So?”

  “So, I’d hate to have to kick Gavin’s ass. And then kick yours.”

  I can tell the last was added teasingly. I can’t help but grin.

  “Kick it? I thought you wanted to spank it.” I’m not normally so brazen, but in the circumstances, I feel like the gloves should come off.

  I see desire flare to life in his sinfully dark eyes. It kindles heat low in my belly.

  “Whatever I do to it, I promise I’ll kiss it and make it feel better afterward. How’s that?”

  His fingers are trailing lazily up and down my arms. It’s an innocent touch, but more than enough to make me wish his hands were on my naked skin elsewhere.

  “Promises promises,” I purr in challenge.

  “I guess I’ll just have to show you when you get back then. And if you happen to be wearing panties, make it a pair you hate. It’ll be the last time you see them intact. Consider yourself warned.”

  A thrill of anticipation skitters down my spine. When Cash loses control, it always ends in us lying, exhausted, in a sweaty heap somewhere. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  “Duly noted.”

  Gavin pounds once more on the door. Cash winks at me before he turns and crosses the room to pull it open.

  “Damn you’re aggravating.”

  Gavin’s smile is full of mischief. “Here I was hoping to get a glimpse of something good, but you let her get dressed.” The punch Cash gives his arm seems a little less than gentle. Still grinning, Gavin looks to me. “You ready?”

  I heft my bag up over my shoulder. “I guess.”

  I cross to stop in front of Cash. “Gavin can fill you in on the details since we were so rudely interrupted,” he says meaningfully, glaring at his buddy.

  “Just be careful. Promise me you won’t take any unnecessary risks.”

  “I promise.”

  Rather than the tiny peck I figured he’d give me in front of his friend, Cash pulls me into his arms and kisses me. Really kisses me. My toes are curled and I’m breathless when he lets me go.

  “Don’t forget,” he says quietly, his eyes roaming my face like he’s memorizing it.

  “I won’t.”

  I don’t know what he’s referring to—don’t forget what he told me, don’t forget his promises. Don’t forget him. It doesn’t matter, though. It still has a ring of finality to it that makes me feel like this is the end.

  I can’t stop my chin from trembling as Gavin leads me from the room.

  ********

  Gavin is quiet as he smuggles me down the stairs—all the zillion stairs—and out a side door. The night air is cooler than average. It’s like a slap in the face when I feel it hit the wet streaks on my cheeks. I didn’t even know I’d been crying.

  Maybe that’s why Gavin is so quiet. He thinks I’m about to melt down.

  Which I might be. Sometimes I feel like it.

  As we strike out up the street, Gavin reaches over to take my bag strap off my shoulder. I offer him a small smile and let him have it.

  “He’ll be fine, you know,” Gavin says quietly, his accent seemingly more pronounced in the dark.

  “You can’t know that.”

  “Actually, I can. He’s a sharp guy and he’s got a good plan. But even more than that, he’d go through hell and back to make sure you’re safe. And when he gets a bug up his ass like this, he’s like a pit bull. There’s just no stopping him.”

  His words are bittersweet. It thrills me to hear that he thinks I’m that important to Cash. Cash must’ve said or done something to make him think that. Unless, of course, he’d be asshole enough to lie just to make me feel better. Even so, it just makes me feel sad and bereft that there’s a chance I might not ever get to tell Cash I’m in love with him.

  Why the hell didn’t you tell him five minutes ago? When you had the chance? Oh, wait. I know. Because you’re a complete, proud idiot, that’s why.

  My chest gets tight just thinking about my lost opportunity. I slow to a stop on the street, the urge to go back and throw myself into Cash’s arms is nearly overwhelming.

  “Gavin, I need to go back. There’s something I have to tell him before he goes.”

  Urgency is coursing through my veins like heroine.

  Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod what have I done?

  Panic, sheer panic is working a fine sheen of sweat onto my brow, despite the chilly temperature.

  “It’s too late,” Gavin says gravely. I look into his handsome, sober face, and, just as I open my mouth to argue, a motorcycle zooms by. “He’s already gone.”

  I feel the tears start afresh. “But there’s something I need to tell him, something I need him to know before he goes.”

  Gavin puts his hand on my shoulder and leans down to look into my eyes. “He knows.”

  “No, he doesn’t. He couldn’t possibly. I’ve been such a psycho lately, there’s no way he could know.”

  Gavin grins. “Most women are, but that’s beside the point. Trust me, he knows. There’s no way he’d be doing all this for a girl who didn’t love him.”

  If Gavin knows, maybe Cash does, too. Maybe he was going to confess his love to me before Gavin interrupted. Oh, if only we’d had a few more minutes…

  For a second, I want to punch Gavin right in his pretty mouth.

  “Damn you!” I rail at him, stomping my foot. “This is your fault! If you hadn’t come and knocked when you did—”

  Gavin laughs. Laughs! The nerve! “I’m so sorry if my efforts to help save your life are untimely.”

  I feel my lips tighten and my temper boil. His levity isn’t helping matters.

  “Don’t change the subject. It’s not helping,” I say through gritted teeth.

  Still smiling, Gavin starts walking away, up the street. “Fine. Blame me that you were too afraid to tell him how you feel. But you and I both know it’s not my fault.”

  So smug. So exasperatingly, aggravatingly smug.

  And so right.

  It’s no one’s fault but my own.

  I stand, rigid and angry, watching Gavin walk away. The further he walks, the more my irrational irritation drains away. I scurry up the sidewalk to catch him.

  “Stop walking so fast, you crazy foreigner!” I mutter.

  In front of me, Gavin tips his head back and loud whispers up into the night, “Walk faster, psycho sheila.”

  I can’t help but smile at that.

  ********

  Gavin drives an HT3, the Hummer with a tiny truck bed at the back. It’s solid black with deeply tinted windows.

  “Good God, did you steal this from a drug dealer?”

  “Watch it. This baby might well save your sweet a
ss before it’s over. She’s about as tactically equipped as they come.”

  “So you did steal it from a drug dealer?”

  Gavin rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Women,” he murmurs.

  “I hope you don’t say things like that in front of your girlfriend.”

  “Girlfriend?” By the look on his face, you’d think I suggested he was having sex with animals. “That’s trouble I don’t need. All that emotional shit just messes up great sex and someone to have a few laughs with.”

  Of course, I draw a parallel. “Is that the way Cash thinks, too?”

  Gavin glances over at me. There’s caution written in his eyes. “Maybe a little.”

  “You wouldn’t tell me the truth even if that was the case, would you?”

  “Look, Olivia. I’ll admit Cash and I are pretty similar. And as long as I’ve known him, he hasn’t ever wanted to get serious. That I know of anyway. Until now.”

  “So you’re saying he wants to get serious with me?” Why do I find it hard to believe a word he’s saying.

  “No, I’m not saying that.”

  “That’s what it sounded like.”

  “I don’t know what I’m trying to say.” He pauses and I hear his frustrated sigh. “Let me just put it this way. I’ve never seen him act like this over a woman before. Does that mean he wants to get serious? I don’t know. I think he does, but that’s just an opinion. Guys don’t sit around and talk about that girlie shit, you know?”

  “No, I imagine they don’t.” I’m a little disappointed. I was so hoping he’d try to convince me or have some evidence to support his conjecture. But he doesn’t. Cash is just as much a mystery to him as he is to everyone else.

  Time to change the subject before I let the hands of this depressing funk pull me down into oblivion. Before I can think of anything to say, Gavin speaks.

  “So, where does this mother of yours live?”

  Actually, she lives very near Carrollton, where I go to school. It’s only about an hour from here.”

  “All right, west it is then.”

  As he guides his enormous vehicle toward the interstate, I think of something else to talk about.

  “So, of the many things you interrupted with your persistent knocking was the plan. Cash was just getting ready to tell me what he’s going to do. Mind cluing me in?”

  Gavin eyes me suspiciously. “Uhhh…”

  “Who am I gonna tell? My mother? Like she’d care, even if I did. Which I wouldn’t. I’m just concerned. That’s all.”

  After another long pause, Gavin gives in. “He’s going to make a couple copies of the video and keep them with different people. He’s buying some ledgers that look like the books they want to take with him. Once he confirms the girl is alive and unharmed, he’s going to show them the video. He’ll explain that if they don’t hand over the girl and ensure the safety of you and his father, both the video and the books will go to the authorities.”

  “Oh God! That sounds dangerous.”

  Gavin shrugs. “He holds all the cards right now.”

  “No, he doesn’t. They still have Marissa.”

  “Okay, he holds most of the cards right now. If they don’t hand her over, he’ll give them the books. They’ll be with Nash, who he’ll call in only if things get crazy.”

  “So, he’s hoping to get away with the books, the video and Marissa?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And worst case scenario would be…?”

  “That he has to give them the books as an act of good faith to get the girl. But he’ll still have the video. And whatever help Greg called in along with Nash.”

  “Greg? Is that Cash’s father?”

  “Yeah. He’s a good man.”

  I say nothing. I still haven’t decided if I think Cash’s father is a good man or not. At the moment, I’d be more inclined to say not. He’s the reason we’re all in this mess to begin with. I’m sure he has some redeeming qualities; right now I just don’t see them.

  “Have you known him long?”

  “Yeah, we go way back.”

  “I find that hard to believe. You can’t be that old.”

  “I’m too hot to get old,” he declares with a cocky grin and a wink. I roll my eyes and he laughs. “Nah, I started very, very early.”

  “Started what?”

  He shrugs, but this time I think it’s because he doesn’t really want to answer, not because he’s nonchalant.

  “For a few years I was hired out to do all kinds of…odd jobs. But I can also fly planes and helicopters, which is how I met Greg. And then Cash.”

  I nod slowly. “Odd jobs, huh? So you’re in a similar…business?”

  “Not really. The work I did was dangerous and unsavory in a different way. That’s why I got out.”

  It almost seems scarier to think what kind of person I’m riding with because he’s so vague about what he does. Or what he did. And the way Cash talked about him, I can’t help but wonder if I’m sitting next to a felon or something. Just because he’s not in jail doesn’t mean he’s not guilty; it just means he never got caught.

  All of a sudden, I’m much less curious about…everything! It seems that there’s nothing but darkness and disappointment everywhere I look. For the first time in maybe ever, my mother’s guest room is looking like a little slice of heaven.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN- Cash

  Letting Olivia go with Gavin was much harder than I expected. And now, as I guide my bike back toward the club, I keep thinking of what she looked like in my rear view mirror as I drove past her on the street. Very upset. She looked very, very upset.

  I remind myself that Gavin is both trustworthy and capable. Doubting my judgment at this point would be as counterproductive as it would be stupid. There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s too late to make any big changes, especially ones that could risk Olivia. My gut was to go with Gavin. Now I have to trust it. Period.

  Pulling into my garage and seeing the door to my apartment open reminds me I’ve got more problems than just worrying about Gavin’s role in all this.

  Nash.

  I park the bike and walk in to find Nash in the bathroom shaving. After rinsing his cheeks, he meets my eyes in the mirror. I’m glad to see the hair of his goatee intact; I don’t want him looking any more like me than he absolutely has to. This could get too sticky otherwise. Plus, I just don’t like the guy. He grew into an even bigger asshole than he was when we were younger.

  “Make yourself at home,” I bite sarcastically.

  “Oh, don’t worry. I did.”

  I don’t even want to ask what that means. It’ll just make me mad, and for the next twelve hours or so, I need to focus. And that doesn’t mean on my brother.

  “If you need to get a couple hours of sleep or do any more cleaning up, I can give you the keys to the apartment up town and you can drive the car over there.”

  “Trying to get rid of me so soon?”

  “Actually, yeah. I am.”

  “That’s not very brotherly of you.”

  “Look man, you’re gonna have to leave the attitude at the door for a while. I don’t have time for your mouth or your shit. Just stick to the plan and leave me the hell alone otherwise.”

  “Well, the plan includes a need for the video, which I’ve stashed in a safe place. I might take you up on the offer of the car. I don’t have one since I’ve been in exile for seven years.”

  Again with the bitterness. I want to roll my eyes, but I grit my teeth and resist the urge. Obviously one of us is going to have to be the cool-headed adult of the bunch. And it sure as hell doesn’t look like it’s gonna be Nash.

  I walk into the bedroom and open the top chest drawer and dig out my alternate set of keys. “Take the Beamer. The gold key is the one for the condo.”

  I give him the address. He raises his eyebrows and nods appreciatively, but he keeps his sarcasm to a minimum. I’m glad about that. Maybe I got through to him.

  “Nice.”


  “Maybe for a lawyer, but I prefer this place.”

  He looks me in the eye, like he’s trying to determine if I’m lying.

  “I can’t believe you did it.”

  “Did what?”

  “Finished school and went to college. And actually graduated and became a lawyer.”

  I sift through his words for an underlying meaning, for derision or malice, but I find none. He just seems…surprised.

  “It’s not like I enjoyed it. That was always your thing, not mine. But it’s what I had to do to help Dad. Or at least I thought it was.”

  I have to work to keep the bitterness from my own tone. It still stings knowing how much they kept me in the dark, remembering all the sacrifices I made because I thought Dad needed my help.

  “I guess neither of us turned out quite like we expected.”

  “I suppose not. I just hope, in some ways, we’re both better off for what we’ve done and the way things turned out. Maybe it was good for both of us. I needed a little bit of you, I guess.”

  Nash shrugs. “Maybe I needed a little bit of you, too. Just not this much.”

  His smile seems genuine and it’s easier for me to return it than I would’ve thought, considering how things started out between us.

  Maybe there’s hope after all.

  I see Nash’s few possessions thrown over the bed.

  “I’ll give you a minute to get your stuff together. I’ve gotta get something out of the car.”

  That’s a lie. I actually have to get the books out of the safe and I don’t want him to see where I keep important things. I still don’t fully trust my brother, so I consider the fib prudent and necessary.

  He nods and I walk back out to the garage, closing the door behind me.

  I cross to the hook racks and peg boards on the wall opposite the car. There’s a small lever and hidden hinges on the second board. It opens silently to reveal a safe built into the wall. I punch in the combination. The click lets me know it’s ready.

  The only things inside the safe besides the ledgers are an expandable file full of papers related to the club and a small stack of hundred dollar bills. I hate not to have some cash on hand.